Stay with yourself
It is a fact, we want to control the insatiable parts of our lives, believing that we will achieve happiness.
I compare the idea with catching fireflies at night, convinced that you did them all. It is only later that you realize that there are more in the area and therefore you admit that you are defeated.
I want to emphasize one important key principle in this article. The rest is details:
Happiness = Accept what is and let go of what you cannot control.
It sounds simple right?
Then why aren’t we happy?
Because what seems easy is often difficult to apply in real life. We want happiness to fill a void in our lives, but we don’t want the struggles and difficulties that go with it. But the pain and struggle serve as a reminder to stop influencing circumstances beyond our control.
I often remind others to stay in your lane. That means you don’t have to poke around in things that you have no control over, because life is bigger than you and you imitate yourself over and over again. It has many millennia of experience and a toolbox of tricks, compared to your simple few decades of life.
“If you believe that the outer circumstance is necessarily connected to your story about it, then you will certainly be at the mercy of what goes on in your life,” explains author Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is.
I have searched countless books on happiness in the last ten years, including pessimists from respected psychologists and making happiness much simpler than we think. Although I do not reject their tire work and research, I believe that happiness is accessible once our thoughts are in harmony.
It is our thinking that stands in the way of achieving happiness, not having a bank account full of money, beautiful cars or luxury homes. Although these are good things to have, they wear out after a while and are meaningless if you cannot find peace and satisfaction within.
The meaning that you give your experiences
Man is responsible for his problems because he creates them through his thoughts. Nothing outside of you means, except for the average you give it. Your brain assigns meaning to life events to understand what is happening.
Tony Robbins says: “Meaning equals emotion and emotion equals life. The meaning you give to your experiences will always change how you feel – and the emotion you feel will always be the quality of your life. “
However, the meaning that you give can be inaccurate when viewed with a distorted lens. For example, if you have been cheated in a relationship, the meaning you give to future relationships is based on a lack of trust. This is right or wrong, but an aspect of the photo.
Robbins says, “Are your patterns helpful or harmful to you? It is vital to remember that our perceptions are creative – if we define something as negative, it is the message that our brain receives and responds through an emotional able to breathe new life into that reality. “
This is an ideal point to reinforce the main point of this article. Your happiness lies in re-framing events to accept what is and to let go of what you cannot control.
Psychotherapist David Richo writes in The Five Things We Can’t Change: And The Happiness We Find by Embrace Them: “We can learn to accept life on its own terms, we can even find its terms satisfactory. An exemption or recourse to a belief system that dampens the surrender of data through a paradise without promising them.We can live a healthy and authentic life by saying yes to life as it is, our way is “what is.”
Referring to our earlier example where your faith was wasted due to unfaithfulness, the experience gained is that you are likely to choose a reliable partner in your next relationship, given the relationship with your happiness. Contrast helps to shed light on what you value the most and will be important to you.
To further emphasize this point, you have accepted the violation of your previous partner, knowing that you may have played a role in co-creating an unbalanced commitment. Note that I do not suggest that you agree to the unfaithfulness, but as a fulfilling party you are still responsible for the events that have occurred.
That is why it is your lesson to accept the dissolution of the relationship and let go of all righteousness, anger and hatred by healing and forgiving yourself and your former partner.
Learn from the experience
Keep cherishing anger and resentment, bind you to the other and do little to help you heal. You are likely to bring the toxic emotions into the next relationship, repeat the damage to the past, and identify future relationships as toxic.
Robbins reaffirms the need to reformulate the way we interpret life events: “Re-framing is the difference between being consistently disappointed and being consistently satisfied.”
Amid the background of acceptance, the invitation is to let go of what you cannot control.
In this example, you cannot control the actions of other people.
You cannot determine whether they will return your love.
You cannot determine whether they will be loyal to you.
However, you can determine your response to what happens.
You can determine the meaning that you give to the event.
You can master the lessons that you have learned from experience and take them to the next relationship.
You can determine whether you will remain a victim or an ambassador for inner peace and harmony. These are powerful lessons, but we think about what went wrong in the past rather than how to help the lessons move forward.
George Bernard Shaw wrote: “We have been made wise, not by the memory of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”
I’m not saying it’s easy and it can take years to achieve this. It is a more worthy path than being a victim of your circumstances.
Dr. Alex Lickerman says in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self: “Approaching painful internal experiences with an acceptance attitude, in contrast – accepting that we are sometimes weak – is paradoxically the key to becoming strong “
It is a given while we cannot control the circumstances in life, we can determine how we respond to what happens to us.
This is a measure of our dedication to accepting life as it is and to let go of what we cannot control.